


When You Wish Upon a Smart-Mouthed Merc

by milou407



Category: Deadpool (2016), Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Based on a Tumblr Post, Bitchy Inner Monologue, Everyone inexplicably knows everyone else, I don't actually know how Make A Wish works, M/M, Peter Parker isn't Spiderman, Peter works for Make A Wish, Spideypool - Freeform, THE BOXES - Freeform, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 10:36:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7529410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milou407/pseuds/milou407
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter Parker is a hero wrangler for the Make A Wish Foundation, and Wade Wilson is the latest hero he has to wrangle. This one is not going to be easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When You Wish Upon a Smart-Mouthed Merc

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based on a tumblr post, which can be found [here](http://beka-tiddalik.tumblr.com/post/146056821665/katyakora-robininthelabyrinth-oneiriad-i)
> 
> Much thanks to my lovely beta, Morgan <3

At first, Wade assumed that Nice Guy From Make A Wish had the wrong hero. _(Do we really count as a hero?)_ **(Shut up.)**

“Um, I’m honored, really, but I don’t think you have the right dude in spandex. You know that I’m Deadpool, right? The guy with the machetes? Generally rated NSFW, or M for mature audiences. Not really sure you’d want me around children.” Wade scoffs at the idea. “I have most of the other heroes’ numbers, I’m sure I can hook you up. You want Cap? I’m sure Cap would love to come and kiss some babies for you.” 

Guy With Great Hair And an Inability to Discern Heroes From Anti-Heroes _(What kind of name is that?)_ **(Listen, we don’t know anything else about him, just go with it.)** puts his head down on the slightly sticky Taco Bell table. How he knew that Wade frequented this specific Taco Bell, he wasn’t sure, but Wade gave him props for perseverance. 

“Mr. Wilson,” Cute And Perky mumbles, muffled by the tabletop, “I have been watching this Taco Bell for a week, listening to police scanners for even longer, in an attempt to make contact with you. I assure you, I know exactly who you are.”

Brunet With an Attitude raises his head from the table, sighs, and opens his mouth to continue-

“What’s your name?” Wade interjects, and startles Confused But Still Pretty into closing his mouth. “I can’t talk to you if I don’t know your name, because eventually my brain-to-mouth filter is going to malfunction and I’m going to call you ‘Confused But Still Pretty’ out loud-“

Wade’s New Friend chokes on nothing.

“-See, what did I tell you? So it’s really better that you tell me your name, to spare us all from what goes on inside my head.”

“Peter Parker.” He almost flings it at Wade, throwing up his name as a shield against Wade’s verbal diarrhea. _(Ew.)_ “My name is Peter Parker, and I’m here representing the Make A Wish Foundation.” 

“Alright, Petey, then what, exactly, are you doing in this lovely establishment with me? Because I think I’ve missed my window of opportunity to make my wish come true. And I’ve already met Wolverine, so…”

“No, Mr. Wilson, we aren’t contacting you to fulfill your wish,” **(Harsh.)** “We have a patient who wants to meet you.” 

“….”

“Mr. Wilson?”

“You have a…what?”

“I’m here to ask you to fulfill a wish.” Peter takes a picture out of a folder from his messenger bag and puts it on the table. The boy in the photograph smiles up at Wade, all brown curls, green eyes, and chubby cheeks. “This is Charlie. He’s ten, and he has Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. He’s in remission induction chemotherapy now, and he was referred to us by his aunt. You saved him once, pulling him to safety out of the way of a bomb that was set to go off in his apartment building, according to his parents, and he’s wanted to meet you ever since. He’s a big fan, Mr. Wilson, and it would make his day if you would visit him.”

Wade doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be doing now, but sitting dumbly and staring at the photo is probably not it. _(Is…is this dude for real?)_ **(Who fuckin’ knows man. Not us.)**

“And you want me to, what? Go into his room and sign some autographs? This might be news to you, but parents generally don’t want me around their kids. Something about the katanas, or the guns, or hey, maybe it’s just that me and my messed up mug are enough to put them off.” Wade shifts uncomfortably. “Somehow I doubt his parents will be thrilled to find me in a hospital room with their child. It would be a waste of time to try to get into the hospital only to be escorted out by security before I even said hello. I’m sure this kid has other heroes you can find, ones who are more kid-friendly.”

Wade is completely unprepared for the sheer anger that rolls off of Peter Parker in waves at the end of his little speech. **(It was quite a speech. Lots of good points.)** _(Somehow I don’t think that’s what we’re supposed to be taking away from this.)_

“I know this might come as a surprise to you, Mr. Wilson, but this actually _isn’t about you._ My job is to do everything I can to make kids like Charlie happy, and somehow, I got stuck with contacting all the potentially dangerous individuals that kids want to meet. I probably have the personal numbers to more heroes and not-heroes than you do. This is not the first time I’ve had to reach out to a…questionable character and convince them to come through, but I will not waste time on you.” Peter starts to shuffle his papers back into their folder. “Now, if you really don’t want to be there, fine, I won’t ask again. But I want you to think about the fact that more than anything in the world, this little boy wants to meet you. If that doesn’t mean anything to you, then I don’t really think I want you around Charlie after all. Thanks for your time.”

With that, Peter Parker gathers up his things and sweeps out of the Taco Bell, looking very dignified for a guy with a messenger bag and Converse sneakers. Wade loses a minute watching him walk out in skinny jeans _(Hate to see you go…)_ **(For the love of all that is good in this world, shut up.)** before running out after him.

“Hey, Peter! _Peter!_ ”

Peter turns around, not looking particularly pleased to see him, crosses his arms and waits. 

“I can’t really promise anything, dangers of the job and all that, but I can give you my number? So you don’t have to start hanging around random Taco Bells to try to find me. And, if you tell me when and where, I can try to come and meet Charlie. He looks like a sweet kid.”

He doesn’t get a full smile in return, but a small quirk of the corner of Peter’s mouth is better than nothing at all.

\-------

Two days later, Wade’s phone buzzes while he’s in the middle of crushing some kids in Call of Duty.

_Peter With the Cute Butt: Sacred Heart Hospital, room 1401. This Friday at 11am, if you don’t have any other big plans. I’ll meet you in the lobby._

Wade smiles and texts back, 

_Me: See you there. Anything I should bring for the kid? I have a flare gun I haven’t used in a while; he could keep that as a souvenir._

_Peter With the Cute Butt: NO GUNS._

_Me: :(_

_Peter With the Cute Butt: Only one gun, and it will not be given to any children._

_Me: :)_

_Peter With the Cute Butt: See you on Friday, Mr. Wilson._

\-----

Wade doesn’t get nervous for things, didn’t really even before he became basically immortal. The feelings he’s feeling as he walks into Sacred Heart are nothing like nervousness, because that would be stupid.

Seeing Peter waiting for him does make him feel better though. _(Yeah, ‘cause you’ve got a big, mushy crush on him.)_ Shut up. **(It’s true.)** Yeah, but shut up. 

“Mr. Wilson, It’s good to see you. This way.” The smile he gets is worth all the stupid nervous butterflies, and he falls into step easily beside Peter.

“You can call me Wade, I think we’re at that point. Or Deadpool. Whichever.”

“Alright, Wade. What’s in the bag?” He’s giving the red gift bag the most suspicious of looks.

“Well, I couldn’t find a box that the flare gun would fit in.” He almost flinches back from the glare he gets from Peter. “Kidding, I promise. It’s something for the kid. Non-explosive, non-lethal, I swear.” 

The return of that smile should be heralded by trumpets, or little baby angel choruses, or something. It’s that bright. “I think Charlie will like that. And I see you left your gun at home. I’m touched Wade, truly.”

“Oh no, it’s still on me. Would you like to see where I have it hidden? Here’s a hint, it might be in my pants.” _(That wasn’t a hint, you just gave it away!)_ **(That’s really, truly not the point.)**

Peter rolls his eyes, but there’s still a hint of smile in the curve of his lips. “Thanks for the generous offer, but I think I’ll pass. Now, no more dirty jokes in front of the children. Ready? He’s right in here.”

Peter went in the room first, checking that Charlie was awake and ready for a visitor. He gestured for Wade after a second, and Wade hesitantly followed him through the door. The shocked gasp that resulted from his entrance startled Wade a little, but the presence of Peter beside him was steadying. Honestly, if it wasn’t for Peter beside him, Wade probably would have run. A little kid in a big white hospital bed wasn’t really that scary _(We could totally take him)_ but the hope that infused his small face was absolutely terrifying. Wade felt huge and dangerous in comparison, and nervously flicked his gaze from Charlie to people who must be his parents. They didn’t look scared of him, well, not too much anyway. They both looked wary, but mostly resigned. 

“Charlie, I’d like you to meet a friend of mine,” _(Ooh, are we a friend now?)_ **(You bet your butt we are.)** “This is Mr. Wade Wilson, also known as-“

“ _Deadpool,_ ” Charlie finishes for him. It’s whispered reverently, and he hasn’t broken eye contact with Wade the entire time. 

“Hey kid.” Wade waves awkwardly, since he’s not really sure what else he’s supposed to do in a room of people who are all staring at him with looks of amazement, reserve, and amusement. And Peter really needs to stop smiling at him because he’s here for the kid and he is really going to get distracted in a second. “Do you mind if I sit down?”

Charlie shakes his head so hard Wade is pretty sure it’s going to fly off. Wade grins a little at that, and sits in the hospital chair beside his bed. 

“Are you _really_ Deadpool?” Charlie says quietly, stars still in his eyes.

“Yes, sir. The one and only.”

“And you’re here to see _me?_ ”

“Well, of course. My friend Peter here asked me to come and see a very special little boy he knew, and here I am!” 

“ _Wow._ ” Charlie sat up straighter in his bed, “You’re my favorite hero, Mr. Deadpool. Even more than Captain America.”

“Hey now, Cap is my favorite hero, no trash talking. And kid, I’m not-“

“But you _saved_ me!” _(What is with this kid and italics? That’s my thing!)_ **(He’s just earnest. They’re used to show inflection, get over it.)** “You said the building was dangerous ‘cause it was gonna go ka-boom, but our kitty Jojo was still in the bedroom, so you put me down outside with my mom and went back for Jojo. And you gave Jojo to me and then went to talk to the bad guys. And then our building didn’t go boom, which is good I guess, and you didn’t come back so I could say thank you. You always have to say thank you when someone does something nice for you.” At this point, Charlie finally paused to take a breath. “So thank you, Mr. Deadpool. You’re my hero.”

“You’re very welcome Charlie. I’m…very proud to be your hero.” Wade had to take a second, this stale hospital air was drying out his eyes and they were watering. “Hey, I’ve got something for ya. Wanna see?”

“Really?” And who could have thought the kid’s eyes could have gotten bigger and shinier. Not Wade, that’s for sure. This kid is going to kill him. “Sure!”

Wade set the red bag carefully on the edge of Charlie’s bed, and chuckles when the kid wiggles to grab at it. Charlie pulls out all the tissue paper and gasps when he sees the plushie and action figures that are nestled in the bottom. He pulls out the pack of plastic heroes and then sets it aside as he hugs the plush Deadpool.

“I know chemo can be scary, so I thought you might want a buddy to be there with you. I’m kind of busy sometimes with- with my job, but this Deadpool can be with you all the time.”

Charlie put his hand on Wade’s and tugged, pulling him in close enough to throw his arms around Wade’s neck. 

“Thank you, Mr. Deadpool,” he said, “You’re my favorite superhero.”

Wade pats Charlie on the back lightly. _(Are you…crying?)_ **(No. Shut up.)** He sits back and pretends that he can’t see Peter standing in the corner of the room with the biggest, sunniest grin on his face. 

“Now, let’s see what these little plastic heroes can do. Which one do you want?”

“Can I be Deadpool, Mr. Deadpool?”

“But I’m-“ He cuts off immediately at the Look™ Peter sends him. “Sure, Charlie. You can be me. I wanted to be Cap anyway.”

He only stays for another hour or two, but Wade definitely empathizes with the Grinch after this, his heart feels like it’s two sizes too big for his chest. The only things keeping him from running are the look of absolute adoration in Charlie’s eyes, and the small, sweet smile that still lingers on Peter’s face.

\-----

_Me: Do you like chimichangas?_

_Peter With the Cute Butt: I do?_

_Me: Do you wanna get chimichangas? With me?_

_Peter With the Cute Butt: It’s eight thirty in the morning._

_Peter With the Cute Butt: Coffee?_

_Me: :D_

\-----

In the next weeks, Wade learns that he is definitely not the only hero who knows about Peter and his work. 

“Oh, shit.” He murmurs while helping the Avengers contain a group of giant guinea pigs that were unleashed upon Central Park. 

“What is it, Deadpool? Did we miss one?” Captain America calls from where he’s using his shield like a lion tamer’s chair to keep the big rodents back.

“No, uh, I just realized I’m missing an appointment right now, with a kid at Sacred Heart- mother of _fuck_ -“ Those fucking things have enormous teeth, and they know how to fucking use them, _Jesus._

“Oh. You know Peter Parker?” _(Know him? We currently are in the middle of a seven-stage plan to make him fall in love with us.)_ **(Shut up! It’s supposed to be a secret plan!)**

“Yes? Do you also know Petey?” _(Oh no, if Cap is after Peter, we have no chance.)_ **(Please. Have you seen the googly-eyes Cap has for Tony Stark? There’s no way he’s into Peter’s tight little butt.)** _(I don’t know, I actually ship him with Bucky Barnes.)_ **(Blaspheme!)**

“Of course. Hey, if you’re late to see a kid, go ahead and leave. I wouldn’t want to be the reason you missed a meeting. Or the reason Parker got angry.”

“You sure?” Please be sure.

“Sure, we’re basically done here.” 

“Thanks, Cap!” Wade starts bounding away, calculating how quickly he could make it to Sacred Heart if he ran the entire way, versus taking a cab or the subway. _(Ew.)_

He’s only about ten minutes late when he walked into the Sacred Heart lobby a little while later. Peter was waiting for him with a coffee and a smile, and honestly, his day couldn’t get much better than this. 

Maybe this whole “hero” business isn’t so bad at all.

\----

_Me: Got a bit tied up downtown, but it cleared up. We still good for dinner?_

_Peter With the Cute Butt: Sure, I can swing by later with Chinese?_

_Me: You are an angel sent from heaven._

_Peter With the Cute Butt: :)_  
  
\----

He has another appointment set for Friday, but when he walks into the now well-known lobby, Peter isn’t waiting for him. Frowning, Wade steps up to talk to Cheryl, the receptionist and all around well informed person.

“Hey there, Cheryl. Where’s our favorite do-gooder today?”

“Hi, Wade. Someone came and said they needed a word with him outside a few minutes ago, but I guess they aren’t done yet. He said his name was Francis?”

Wade’s danger sense is tingling. “Thanks, you’re the best. Tell Charlie hi for me, I might not be back to see him today.” With that, Wade hurries out the front door of the hospital, looking around for any trace of Francis. He turns down the street toward an alley, and just manages to catch sight of Peter being strong armed into a black van. _(Wow, that’s not ominous at all.)_

“Oh no they didn’t,” Wade growls, stealing some guy’s motorcycle to chase after the van. They will not get his Petey that easily. 

\-----

After a moderately long, very sneaky car chase, Wade hides outside of the mucho creepy abandoned warehouse that is apparently Francis’ base of operations. _(Isn’t his name technically Ajax now?)_ **(Maybe. But we’re never going to call him that, so.)**

There’s a disappointingly small number of henchmen guarding the hallways of the warehouse, so Wade just introduces them to his katanas and moves on. He can hear Francis talking to Peter through the halls, and lordy, his voice has not gotten any less pompous or irritating.

“Come now, Peter darling, just give me what I’m asking for. I know you have the information I require, help me out and I’ll let you go, good as new.”

“Listen, I don’t know who you think I am, but I don’t know what you’re talking about. I work for the Make a Wish foundation, I don’t know you, and I really just need to get back to my kids.”

“Mr. Parker, do you think I’m an idiot? I know who you are, and I know about your specific set of skills. I need all the information about the heroes and villains currently inhabiting the New York area. Quickly, please.”

As he gets closer, Wade can hear Peter’s exasperated sigh through the open doorway. “Fine, you know who I am. But seriously, are you kidding? I have incredibly sensitive information that I have spent _years_ compiling, and you think I’m going to give it to you just because you asked? No way. Find another way to get what you want, because I’m not betraying all of the heroes and villains in the city. Do you know how quickly they would all turn on me if they found out? Not worth it.” 

Francis makes to say something else, reaching for one of the nasty tools on the table next to him, but it’s pretty hard to talk when you’re sliding into unconsciousness from a blow to the back of the head. When Francis slides to the floor, drooling slightly, Peter’s wide eyes lock on Wade, relief flooding his features.

“Wade,” he breathes, as Wade begins to untie him, “Oh thank god.”

“Prince Charming, at your service,” Wade grins cheekily. He uses the binds that held Peter to the table to bind Francis, and sends Wolverine a text with the address of the warehouse and a smiley face. “Let’s go, handsome, ‘cause we’ve got a date to keep.”

“We have a what?” Wade puts his arm around Peter to help him out the door, since his legs are still a little weak. _(Is that the excuse we’re using?)_ **(Apparently.)**

“A date? Appointment, whatever. Let’s go see Charlie.” He assists Peter onto the stolen motorcycle, which Peter eyes with a suspicious glare. “Hold on tight now, don’t want you slipping off of the back.”

The ride back to the city is mostly silent, since Peter is wearing the helmet and Wade is trying to successfully drive a motorcycle while also memorizing the feeling of Peter’s arms around him. 

Arriving back at Sacred Heart with only a little bit of swearing and near death experiences, Wade puts the bike right back where he found it, and turns to help Peter back off. His legs are even more wobbly than when he got on the bike, and he looks slightly pale when he sets the helmet back on the motorcycle. He holds tight to Wade for support, and Wade shamelessly enjoys every second.

“Was there a reason you drove us here like you wanted to test how fast the bike could really go?”

“Well, yeah. Since I had to delay seeing Charlie to rescue a handsome prince from the clutches of danger, I thought you would want to get back as soon as possible.”

“You were…thinking of Charlie?”

“Of course. He’s a sweet kid, ya know? Wouldn’t want to disappoint him, or whatever.”

Peter just looks at him for a second, still with his arms securely around Wade, even though he’s probably been stable for a little while now. 

“Okay,” he says, “Don’t freak out.” 

Before Wade can ask what it is he’s not supposed to be freaking out about, Peter’s arms move out from around him and move up to the edge of his mask. Wade catches one of his wrists, lightly, and murmurs, “You probably don’t want to do that.”

“I really, really do.” And Peter breaks Wade’s hold to complete the motion, tugging the mask off of Wade awkwardly. When it’s fully off and dropped to the side, Peter looks at him the same as he has been, with a little bit of wonder. He trails the fingertips of one hand over the hills and valleys that make up Wade’s face, over a cheekbone and down his jaw.

“Well?” Wade asks, and he can hear the tension in his own voice as he waits for Peter’s answer.

“Just as wonderful as you were before.” When Wade meets Peter’s eyes, he can see the fierce stubbornness there, daring Wade to say anything different.

“Don’t freak out,” Wade whispers back, and leans down to press his lips to Peter’s. They’re soft and firm when Peter presses back against him, and they’re suddenly kissing outside of a children’s hospital, and Wade has no shame, none at all. 

Because his wish finally came true.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated
> 
> Much love


End file.
